


Tin-foil Hat Territory

by cynicalwerewolf



Series: Snapshots of a Non-Existant Life [2]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-23
Updated: 2012-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-31 15:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/345815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicalwerewolf/pseuds/cynicalwerewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Giving that tabloid to Miles had been a bad idea...Or possibly a really good one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tin-foil Hat Territory

When Lieutenant Hass came into Duv’s office that morning, Duv had no idea what the effects of his odd hobby would be. The Lieutenant was grinning, and tossed a rolled-up print tabloid onto Duv’s desk.

“Thought you and your lover might get a kick out of that,” he chuckled before leaving.

Frowning at the stack of reports he still had to read and summarize, Duv looked at the tabloid. Finally, he unrolled it. And choked. There on the cover was a poorly manipulated holo of himself and Miles. While the image was an actual picture of them having dinner in one of Vorbarr Sultana’s better restaurants, Duv’s image had been altered so he didn’t look human.

_'Lord Auditor Alien’s Love Slave!!!’_ , the title proclaimed in a garish font.

Shaking his head, Duv returned to his work. Hass was correct, Miles would greatly enjoy reading the article. Although its premise was highly inaccurate, he and Miles had only been seeing each other for two months, and hadn’t had sex yet.

* * *

While Duv had pretty much forgotten that tabloid within a week, two months after Hass tossed it on his desk he discovered Miles hadn’t.

It had been an awful week in Komarran affairs, especially after the Komarran soletta array exploded for no apparent reason, so when Vyeski entered his office, Duv snarled, “What do you want?”

Vyeski said, “I have the preliminary report on the soletta destruction, sir.”

“Put it in the tray,” Duv said. He glanced up as Vyeski left, and frowned. The captain was wearing a hat made of some form of sheet metal. Shaking his head, he decided he couldn’t possibly have seen that.

But every time he saw someone from his section that day, they were wearing a cobbled together, sheet metal hat. While it didn’t distract him from his work, he kept puzzling over it.

Finally, he made his end of the day report to General Allegre, with the recommendation that the soletta explosion be looked into by a Lord Auditor, specifically Professor Vorthys. At the end of the discussion, General Allegre said, “Also, please inform Lord Vorkosigan that when he’s trying to put you in a better mood, he should buy flowers or candy, not arrange for ImpSec staff to wear extruded aluminum headgear.”

“What?” Duv asked, then paused. He remembered reading some doctoral thesis written in Old Earth’s twentieth-century, and asking Miles, who had a very in depth understanding of Old Earth history in general, as opposed to Duv’s specific knowledge of Barrayaran history, what ‘tin-foil hats’ was referring to. Miles said that at the time, there were conspiracy theories that aliens or the government were using mind-control rays, which could be defeated by a common cooking material called tin or aluminum foil. He then recalled Hass’s tabloid story. Duv found himself grinning. “Yes, General, I will inform him to keep out of ImpSec matters.”

* * *

“Miles,” Duv said, mildly. He stood at the doorway of Miles’s study. There were flimsies and books everywhere, and a pair of kittens wrestling on the desk. Miles was sitting at the comconsole scanning the soletta specs. He walked behind Miles’s chair.

“Yes, Duv?” Miles asked, absently.

Without asking, Duv picked Miles up, slung him over his shoulder, and began carrying him into the bedroom. “What? Duv! What’s going on?” Miles asked, struggling slightly.

Duv knew Miles must have been anticipating this. “I’m an alien abductor, Lord Vorkosigan. I’m taking you off to my home planet to ravish you, of course.”

“Ah,” Miles said. “I suppose resistance is futile?”

Duv grinned. Miles had sounded hopeful about that prospect, “Completely.”


End file.
